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Brainy's Really Beard Story/Part 3
"So that's when you decided to ask Grandpa Smurf about the beard, because you wanted to smurf one of your own, Uncle Brainy," Psycheliana said. "I was curious to know what he had to say concerning beards, no doubt," Brainy said. "Up until Duncan started smurfing his own whiskers, he was the only Smurf I knew who even smurfed a beard, unless you counted our parent Smurfs who existed back when we were all Smurflings. So I decided to pay a visit when he was reading Baby Smurf a bedtime story." "I do miss those times with Grandpa Smurf," Miracle said. "It didn't matter to me whatever he read, I just found it interesting enough to listen to until I fell asleep." And as Brainy continued his story, Psycheliana and Miracle watched as Papa Smurf was in his house with Baby Smurf on his lap while they were sitting on a chair together, with Papa Smurf reading a book to him. There was a knock on the door, and then Brainy Smurf entered. "Ah, Brainy Smurf," Papa Smurf said. "What can I smurf you the pleasure of smurfing about tonight?" "Papa Smurf, I was just curious about beards, because I want to start smurfing one of my own, and I was wondering when you started to grow your first beard and all," Brainy said. "Oh, about my beard," Papa Smurf said, realizing what Brainy wanted to know. "Well, I was around 300 years of age when I started smurfing the first hairs on my face, and eventually it smurfed into a full beard and mustache." "But was your beard always white, Papa Smurf?" Brainy asked. "No, it wasn't, Brainy," Papa Smurf answered. "It was a brownish color when I first grew one, and eventually greyed over time." "So would I be able to grow my own beard, Papa Smurf?" Brainy asked. "I think you will, Brainy," Papa Smurf answered. "I will?" Brainy said, sounding excited at the prospect until he realized something. "But when?" "Oh, when you reach the same age as I was when I first smurfed a beard...about 300 years old," Papa Smurf answered. "300 years old?" Brainy said, sounding shocked. "But that's a long wait. Why can't I have one at my age like Duncan has?" "I'm afraid you'll have to ask Duncan himself about that one, Brainy," Papa Smurf said. "Until that time, you must be patient, for patience is the cornerstone of wisdom." Brainy sighed. "I guess you're right, Papa Smurf. I'm sorry if I sound so upset about hearing this smurf of news from you." "That's quite all right, Brainy," Papa Smurf said. "You shouldn't worry about something that you're still too young to have at your age anyway. When the time comes, you'll learn to appreciate the reward of such patience, and you'll see how better off you'll be when you do smurf your first beard." "Well, thanks anyway for answering my question, Papa Smurf," Brainy said. "You've given me a lot to think about." "I'll see you in the morning, Brainy," Papa Smurf said as he watched Brainy head out the door. ----- "As Narrator told me, I wasn't the only one who was frustrated over not being able to grow a beard, my young Smurfs," Brainy said. "Our enemy Gargamel was also equally frustrated, and I couldn't help but sympathize with him for just a little." "I can't understand how some humans are not able to grow beards naturally, Uncle Brainy," Psycheliana said. "It all has to smurf with genetics, Liana," Miracle said. "Some human males are blessed with active hair follicles on their faces, and some of them aren't." "But for our worst enemy to not be able to grow his own beard?" Psycheliana said. "I'm not sure what I would like the most, a Gargamel that is barefaced or a Gargamel that has a beard." "We don't have to deal with him now anyway, Liana," Miracle said. "Just whatever children he has happened to father since he was exiled from the forest, if he was even that lucky." And as Brainy continued his story, Psycheliana and Miracle watched as Gargamel sat in front of the mirror of his work table, staring at his face that refused to show even a sign of a five o'clock shadow forming on it. "Curses, Azrael," he muttered. "At this rate it would take me 300 years to grow my own beard. There must be a way that I can accelerate hair growth without having to resort to catching those wretched Smurfs and extracting just a portion of their essence to make it possible. But what can it be?" Azrael just mewed a simple "I dunno". "There must be something in my collection of spell books that were handed down to me by my father that would shed some light on my predicament and give my face the embellishment that it so desperately needs in order for me to be taken seriously as a wizard of renown," Gargamel said. He then went through all the books in his library, casually tossing one after another on the floor while Azrael ducked and dodged being hit by the books. "Ah, there it is...Instant Beard Growth!" Gargamel said, ecstatic that he had found something. "This tonic will allow me to grow my own facial hair in seconds. Oh, the joy of never being barefaced ever again! I just need to gather up all the ingredients for it, and that beard is as good as grown!" Azrael just moaned as he dug himself out of the pile of books he was covered in. ----- "Back in the village, I tried to make up for the lack of facial hair that I couldn't grow at the time by smurfing myself a fake beard from the Smurf Theater costume storage house in order to impress my fellow Smurfs," Brainy said. "Needless to say, that didn't work either." And as Brainy continued his story, Psycheliana and Miracle saw that Harmony again signaled all the Smurfs to come gather together around Brainy, who was standing there in the middle of a windstorm, trying to look dignified with his new look while also trying hard not to let his fake beard blow away. "What is it this time, Brainy?" Handy shouted, sounding impatient. "Not another speech, I hope," Smurfette said. "I hate another speech," Grouchy said. "Oh boy, Brainy's going to make an announcement," Clumsy said, sounding excited. "Could you hurry it up a bit, Brainy Smurf?" Tailor asked. "Patience, my fellow Smurfs, patience," Brainy began to speak. "Have you no respect for this obvious symbol of wisdom that..." And then the wind suddenly blew away the fake beard, exposing Brainy's bare face to his fellow Smurfs, who just laughed at Brainy's misfortune. ----- A little later on, Brainy knocked on the door of Papa Smurf's laboratory while he was in the middle of an experiment and Baby Smurf was busy reading through one of Papa Smurf's books. "Come in," Papa Smurf called out. Brainy came in, feeling very frustrated. "Papa Smurf, it's no use! I can't wait until I'm 300 years old to grow my first beard!" he said. "I'm afraid you'll have to," Papa Smurf said. "Well, Papa Smurf, I was just wondering if you know anything about hair tonic," Brainy said. Papa Smurf laughed. "No, Brainy, I don't think there's any known tonic that can magically grow hair." Brainy sighed. "Maybe I should talk to Duncan about how he was able to grow hair, Papa Smurf." "It doesn't hurt to find out, even if it may not do much to help your situation at this time, Brainy," Papa Smurf said. ----- Duncan was near his house practicing his sword moves when Brainy decided to pay him a visit. "So how goes your current attempt to impress everybody with your knowledge and wisdom, Brainy?" Duncan asked when he saw him approaching. "It's just been one failure after another, Duncan," Brainy said. "First I thought I can smurf without glasses just like Papa Smurf, but I ended up walking into Painter's portrait of Smurfette by her window. Then I thought that I could smurf red pants just like Papa Smurf, but no Smurf was interested in listening to me. Next I thought that I could smurf my own beard, but Papa Smurf says that I wouldn't be able to grow one until I'm at least 300 years old." "Ah, that's just a terrible shame, Brainy," Duncan said. "Though given what you smurfed in the past in trying to get your fellow Smurfs to listen to you, I don't think you'll have much success regardless of what you smurf." "I was just thinking, Duncan, of all the Smurfs around our age in the village, how you are able to smurf your own set of sideburns within the past few years," Brainy said. "It's all part of the McSmurf genes in our family, Brainy," Duncan said. "Most of us male McSmurfs are simply able to smurf our own whiskers right when we are young adults no older than what age we are." "I only wish that I could have been born a McSmurf instead of possibly being Papa Smurf's son if that were the case," Brainy said with a heavy sigh. "I could only wish that all you laddies could smurf the same fortune that I do when it smurfs to growing whiskers, Brainy," Duncan said. "But that's just an unfortunate smurf of nature that we're going to have to deal with. I'm sure Papa Smurf has smurfed you that you're going to have to be patient for the things that can also smurf to you in due time." "I still don't like being laughed at while I'm waiting, Duncan," Brainy said. "Nor do I even like getting smurfed on the head or getting smurfed out of the village when I try to be like Papa Smurf to my fellow Smurfs." "If you truly want to be like Papa Smurf so much, Brainy, you should try to listen to your fellow Smurfs more than you talk to them or talk down to them," Duncan said. "You might have a better chance to be noticed if you smurfed the time listening to what your fellow Smurfs have to say instead of insisting on having your voice be smurfed throughout the whole village." "Wait a minute," Brainy said. "I think I may be onto something. What if Papa Smurf has something in his books that can help me magically grow my own beard?" "You, growing a magic beard?" Duncan said. "I'm not sure I like the sound of it." "I'm sure that I might be able to win the respect of my fellow Smurfs if they could see how wise and smart I am when I show them that I am able to smurf my own beard well before anyone else's time," Brainy said, sounding a bit excited over the prospect. "Thanks, Duncan, for letting me talk with you...I think that I know what I'm going to smurf now." As Brainy walked off in the direction of Papa Smurf's house, Tapper came over with a glass of sarsaparilla ale for Duncan. "Great Smurfiny Crickets, my dear Duncan, what did Brainy want to smurf with you about?" Tapper asked. "Just a foolish notion about wanting to smurf his own set of whiskers just like mine and Papa Smurf's in order to smurf the respect that he wants, Tapper," Duncan answered. Tapper sighed. "I know it's not easy for Brainy to gain any respect for the way he constantly presents himself to his fellow Smurfs, but I do hope that how he intends to gain that respect won't cause more problems for his fellow Smurfs than he already causes." ----- "Anyway, as I was busy trying to find that magic hair growth formula, Gargamel had already smurfed his into fruition and was ready to test it out," Brainy said. "Little did he know that his beard would smurf to such epic lengths that it even reached our humble village in the woods." And as Brainy continued his story, Psycheliana and Miracle saw Gargamel at work in his laboratory putting together all the ingredients for his Instant Beard Growth formula. "Two ounces of dandruff flakes, fuzz from a rotten peach, and last but not least, oil from the tail of a dead polecat," Gargamel said, pouring each ingredient into his cauldron. Azrael made a disgusted "pew" sound when he smelled the last ingredient being put into the mixture. After a while, Gargamel ladled a sample of the formula into a small bottle. "All right, my bearded friends, stand back and watch a true wizard in action," he called out as he stood before the mirror on his work table and splashed a bit of the formula on his face. "Oh, magical hair tonic, do your stuff, make it thick, make it long, and make it rough!" After massaging the formula into his skin of his face, Gargamel stared at his face in the mirror and watched for a single sign of any facial hair growth. He could feel the formula tingling on his face like aftershave. Then after about several seconds, a single long hair began to sprout, and then another, and then another. Soon the lower half of his face began to be covered in hair. "It's working!" Gargamel said, feeling ecstatic. "I can feel it growing! It's..." Then he realized that the hair was growing really long, reaching down to the floor and spreading out all over the room, covering every inch and even extending itself through the windows and the chimney. "Oh no, it's growing too fast! I can't stop it from growing!" Gargamel cried out, realizing his error. "HELP! HELP!" The hair continued to grow long as it traveled through the length of the forest, crossing over a high ravine and covering much of the Smurf Village. The Smurfs have never seen anything like this before. "Oh, what was that?" Smurfette asked as she looked at the thick mass of hair that was flowing even through her windows. "Great Smurfiny Crickets," Tapper said as he watched the flow of hair fill up his entire tavern. "Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be very hygienic." "I hate being covered in hair," Grouchy said as his house was now filled with the long flowing hair. Gargamel was stuck in his house, trapped by his long flowing beard as it grew to absurd lengths. Then he could feel it suddenly stop growing. "Oh, it stopped! It finally stopped growing!" he said, sounding relieved. "Oh, Azrael, the scissors! I need the scissors!" ----- The Smurfs gathered around outside as they dug their way through the long tangles of hair that flowed everywhere and into various Smurfs' houses. "Amazing," Papa Smurf said. "I've never seen anything like it," Handy said. "Sacre bleu, what is it?" Painter asked. "I don't know, but it smells like Gargamel to me," Smurfette said. Tracker sniffed the hair. "More than that, it smells like Gargamel grew facial hair, and with some kind of magical formula," he said. "Do you know which direction it came from, Tracker?" Smurfette asked. Tracker sniffed it again. "It was growing toward us, so if I can follow it to its source, the smell of this hair would be much stronger." "Then that's what we must do," Papa Smurf said. "Tracker, follow the scent of that hair. We will track it down to where it smurfed from and hopefully smurf up this hair before it pollutes our forest." "Ah, that's our Papa Smurf," Painter said. "He is so wise." Smurf to Part 4 Category:Empath the Luckiest Smurf stories Category:Brainy's Really Beard Story chapters Category:VicGeorge2K9's articles